A Father's Wound

I knew of a man who had a childhood one rarely speaks of. The kind of childhood where the pain of reality is too great to discuss. The wounds inflicted by his family and circumstances caused great pain and anger, but despite all odds he would choose to repeat and recall those moments in life that brought joy. 

This choice takes a steel of character that is supernatural. It is too easy to recall the pain, so many today wallow in the wounds of the past, repeating over and over again the injustice. Reflecting again and again who could have changed those circumstances to eliminate the pain or bring justice after the pain. This method of living is what so many choose, so easy to do. Those who choose not to live this way, do not always do so with a head in the sand, rainbow in the sky reality. The pain may affect their actions, but they choose to recall the joy because that is the higher ground, that takes a depth of character so many do not even strive for. 

 

This man found Grace gave him the ability to move forward. When memories of the past came to him, Grace gave him the strength to remember the good. When he discovered the wonders of Grace, he pursued it. As he walked in Grace, he was able to let go of anger. And, like many men, as they age, he built a family. This man’s pain and upbringing twisted his understanding of parenting. He, despite his desire to follow Grace, made mistakes. His pain-induced anger reared its ugly head at times. But even then, he avoided the extremes of what was modeled to him. He worked at parenting differently. He went to parenting seminars, parenting classes, read about parenting, and he practiced different methods. Most surprisingly, unlike many, when he was wrong, he did not say his past made him do it, he owned his error; he sincerely apologized, asked for forgiveness and sought Grace to change his behavior. 

As time progressed, glimpses of his childhood would be revealed. Stories would sometimes rise to the surface. Not usually from his mouth, but those recalled by his siblings that denied Grace. They would repeat the pains and injustices. The horrors of those childhood memories would one day be called reality, would be directly addressed, and Grace would allow deeper forgiveness, deeper healing. Grace also allowed this man’s children to follow Grace. They embraced the path of Grace and decided to walk in its footsteps. Grace loves. Grace forgives. Grace moves in the direction of hope. Grace honors others. Grace is grateful. The children grew believing Grace was the higher ground. They taught others that Grace is the best path. 

And then they started recalling the past. They recalled the injustices of their own father, the errors and mistakes he made, despite his efforts, despite his desire to be like Grace. They recalled with repetition the little and grand mistakes. They repeated them, they wallowed in them. How could this father, the one who supposedly followed Grace be that way? They ignored the hurdles this man overcame. They ignored the good he had done. They ignored the example of honoring. They ignored his history of repenting and seeking reconciliation. 

When they would grow and age and have their own families, they would make mistakes and instead of claiming these mistakes as theirs they pointed back to the father, blaming him for their errors. They repeated and wallowed and ignored and chose not to speak to the father about these things. Instead of seeking Grace and reconciliation, they blamed their father. Most disappointing of all, as they taught Grace they forgot Grace.